The Virtue of Chastity: Lessons from the Life of Mary

MARY AS A MODEL OF CHASTITY

The first Evangelical virtue we see in Mary is chastity. In the Gospel of Luke we read her response to the angel: “How shall this be done, since I do not know man?” (Luke 1:34).

Among all virtues, chastity is often considered one of the most challenging to live faithfully. St. Augustine described it as one of the daily battles of the Christian life. Yet God, in His goodness, has given us in Mary a perfect model of this virtue.

The word chastity can feel uncomfortable in today’s culture and is rarely discussed outside religious settings. Modern media frequently promotes immodesty in dress and behavior, and young people are often exposed to messages that distort the meaning of human dignity and sexuality. This raises an important question for parents: how can we teach our children the value of chastity, and why does it matter so much?

Teaching this virtue begins by examining our own lives. Parents serve as the first example for their children.

Do we strive to live according to the Church’s teachings about respect for the human person and the dignity of marriage? Are we mindful of the way we dress and the content we share or support online? Do we avoid promoting entertainment or conversations that undermine the dignity of relationships? Are we careful to maintain healthy boundaries in friendships and interactions outside of marriage?

These questions invite us to reflect honestly on how we live the virtue we hope to pass on to our children.

For parents raising sons, vigilance is especially important. Modern technology has made inappropriate material easily accessible, and this can shape how young people view relationships and human dignity. Prayer, guidance, and open communication can help young people develop a healthy understanding of love and respect.

Many people think chastity simply means refraining from sexual activity. In reality, the Christian understanding of chastity is much deeper. Chastity is a virtue—a quality of character that shapes the way a person sees and values others. It is not merely about avoiding certain actions; it is about becoming the kind of person whose desires and relationships are guided by truth and respect.

Saint John Paul II reflected deeply on this virtue in his Theology of the Body. He taught that chastity is a personal excellence that orders our desires properly and helps us see others not as objects but as persons worthy of love and dignity. In this way, chastity strengthens relationships and encourages a culture that honors life and love.

Chastity is sometimes described as the virtue of wholeness. It prevents us from reducing ourselves or others to mere desires or impulses. While momentary pleasure may be easy to seek, lasting joy comes from living in harmony with the truth of who we are as children of God.

Certain situations can place this virtue at risk. These may include unhealthy curiosity, harmful influences, excessive drinking, immodest presentation, or exposure to inappropriate entertainment. When we intentionally avoid these dangers and model responsible choices, our children are more likely to follow the example we set.

The Church also encourages us to ask for the intercession of saints who exemplified purity and faithfulness. Among them are Saint Maria Goretti, Saint Agnes, and Saint Philomena. Saint Joseph, the faithful guardian of the Holy Family, is also a powerful example of purity and devotion within marriage.

Saint Albert the Great wrote that Mary is called the Virgin of virgins because she freely offered her virginity to God even without the example or counsel of others. Saint Bernard once asked, “O Virgin, who taught you to please God through virginity and to live an angelic life on earth?” Saint Sophronius answered that God chose this most pure Virgin to be His Mother so that she might serve as an example of chastity for all.

Saint Jerome even expressed the opinion that Saint Joseph himself lived in perfect purity alongside Mary.

In striving to grow in chastity, Saint Robert Bellarmine recommended three helpful practices:

Fasting,
Avoiding occasions of sin,
Prayer.

By fasting he referred not only to food but also to self-discipline of the senses—especially the eyes and desires. Writers throughout Christian tradition often speak of Mary’s modesty, her careful guarding of her eyes, and her simplicity in daily life.

The second practice is avoiding situations that can lead to temptation. Saint Philip Neri famously said that in the battle of the senses, those who avoid danger often achieve the greatest victory. Mary’s life reminds us that holiness includes wisdom in avoiding situations that could lead us away from God.

The third and most important practice is prayer. As the Book of Wisdom reminds us: “Knowing that I could not otherwise be self-controlled unless God granted it to me, I went to the Lord and begged Him for it” (Wisdom 8:21).

The Blessed Virgin herself once revealed to Saint Elizabeth of Hungary that she acquired every virtue through effort and continual prayer.

Saint John of Avila also observed that many people have overcome impure temptations through devotion to the Immaculate Conception.

Through Mary’s example and through God’s grace, we are reminded that virtue is possible. With prayer, discipline, and trust in God, we can grow in purity of heart and help guide others toward the same path.

Prayer to St. Joseph

Holy St. Joseph, father and protector of virgins, to whose faithful keeping Christ Jesus and Mary, the virgin of virgins, were committed, by these dearest pledges, Jesus and Mary, I beseech and conjure you that I may always serve Jesus and Mary in perfect chastity with a spotless mind, a clean heart, and a chaste body. 

Amen